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Posts Tagged ‘romance’

SORRY FOR THE DELAY, FOLKS. THIS IS FOR MY LOVELY READERS WHO KEEP WANTING AND ASKING FOR MORE. MAY ALLAH PUT PEACE AND BLESSINGS IN ALL OUR RELATIONSHIPS AMEEN. KEEP THE COMMENTS COMING. I APPRECIATE THE LOVE AND SUPPORT. ENJOY!

Before kids, married life is well…married life.

After kids, married life becomes a thing of the past?

No, not really.

The dynamic of marriage definitely does change after having kids, but it shouldn’t be put on the back burner.

So many couples become detached and distant once they become parents unfortunately. Why is that?

What happens is that so much energy gets put into the children and their betterment that the husband and wife forget how they started off:  just the two of them. The marriage sadly gets forgotten. Kids become the priority and the couple’s needs are left in the dark or neglected as a whole.

That should not be the case. Some way or another, the couple needs to keep their relationship first and striving and fresh. Here’s a few pointers:

1. Before the baby comes, discuss your expectations for your relationship with your spouse. Develop the understanding that although alone time will be limited, it will NOT be eliminated. Regardless of how tired or exhausted you are, you must make time for one another and that includes intimacy!

2. Take a break from parenting at least once or twice a month. Leave the baby/kids with family or trusted friends and have a date night. You don’t even have to go anywhere (although that would be refreshing and a nice change of scenery from the dirty diapers and endless array of toys). Just make an effort to be alone and reconnect.

3. Stay on the same page with your spouse when it comes to parenting and disciplining the kids. Always discuss with one another before making a decision for the little ones. (This is also a way kids can’t take advantage of one particular parent over the other).

4. Find other activities to do besides being with the kids. This is related to the first two points but I am directing it more to maintaining one’s individuality. This can even apply to marriage before kids. Continue to do things YOU like to do and not just what your spouse or kids want to do. Give time to yourself by reading, working out, going out with your friends/family, or whatever else you like to do on your own.

5. Share the load. Know that one parent can’t handle all the work so divide up the tasks and give each other a hand with the kids, chores, and errands.

6. Find the romance. Make an effort to keep relighting the spark even after kids. Maintain the freshness in your relationship by doing simple things to show your spouse “You are my world”.

7. Kids won’t fix your marriage. If you are having trouble in your marriage prior to kids, don’t have kids to resolve your issues. They will only add more issues to your marriage. Solidify your relationship first and don’t use kids to solve your problems.

8. A healthy, happy marriage means healthy, happy kids. Set an example for your rugrats by maintaining a great relationship with one another. If the marriage is in tact, so will the household be. (Also, avoid arguing in front of the kids even if it’s just a small “heated discussion”).

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People talk about being “crazy in love” but do you ever hear of someone feeling “healthy in love?” No, probably not very often.

When I say “healthy”, I’m talking about the outcome of a healthy relationship.

I’ve heard people tell me that happiness does not last long in marriage. Or I’ve also been told that you can’t be happy always in marriage. This is quite disturbing. What is “happiness” exactly and why aren’t people finding it with their spouse?

This is where the healthy aspect comes into play. If a couple has a healthy relationship, happiness comes naturally for them. It is the simple things that count, moments and opportunities not being passed up, and priorities being straight. Why is everyone always wanting to get the most of their partner? Why not want to just give and not expect anything back? If both partners did that, then there would be a lot of peace in the marriage.

Think of it like this:  if your marriage is healthy, you will be too. All other aspects of your life center around your marriage whether you want them to or not. If you get into a fight, your day is ruined or your night and your sleep. However, if you’re feeling healthy from your marriage, you can concentrate on other things such as work, hobbies, friends, family, spirituality, etc. If marriage sucks for you, most likely other things in your life will too.

I’m not going to tell you to always be happy in your marriage or with your spouse. Some days are tough. Since no one can be happy every moment of the day…at least find happiness in every day with your hubby. Start noticing the little things that are good instead of everything that bothers you. It is great for your health to feel love for your spouse as much as possible. You feel better, look better, and enjoy life more. Be healthy in love, because love definitely has an affect on your health.

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I think I’ve been giving the wives too many tips. Now it’s time to help the husbands out there.

This is not going to be a male-bashing post. Instead this will help your wife fall more in love with you. Just follow these few simple tips.

1. Steal a look:  At a gathering or an event where you are seated separately, let her catch you staring at her. When she notices, give her an inviting smile or pucker your lips like you are sending a kiss her way. This is sure to make her giggle or give her a tingle somewhere.

2. A single rose:  It’s Tuesday. Surprise her with a flower for no apparent reason.

3. The last bite: The next time you have a meal together, offer to share a plate with her instead of eating from separate plates. Then make sure you let her have the last bite and feed it to her yourself. She will find it to be the yummiest bite of them all.

4. Squeaky clean: Help out around the house. Anything you can do like vaccuum, load/unload the dishwasher, broom, clean the toilets, take the trash out. Whatever it is, she will love you for it. She might even get turned on by you doing housework. 😉

5. Dress to impress: Show her that you like to get dressed up for just her…not just for work or for social gatherings. Wear something you know she likes to see you in and let her know it’s just for her.

6. Note it: Send her an email or write her a card randomly just sharing your feelings about her. Be creative and leave notes for her to find throughout the day. Words are a great form of expressing your undying love for her.

7. Mini-getaway: Plan a short getaway and book a hotel in advance. Take a half day from work and have her meet you there. Arrange a lunch or picnic indoors. You can even decorate the room with petals and candles. If need ,find a sitter for the kids in advance.

8. Present-ing a gift: Who said money can’t buy love?! Even if it’s something small, make it sentimental or creative and present it to her in a sweet way.

9. Sweet nothings: Compliment her out of the blue. Let her know that you still find her the most beautiful woman in the world.

10. Break time: Give her some well-deserved time out. Arrange a massage, facial, or just a day/night out for her without you and the kids. Give her some well-deserved space, and she will come running back into your arms.

11. Make contact: Grab a hold of her hand or give her a hug randomly. Small kisses here and there go a long way as well. Go ahead and steal a kiss when she least expects it and make it passionate.

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