The Glorious Ka'ba
By the Grace and Mercy of Allah, my husband and I were given the invitation to perform Hajj this year.
(That also explains why the blog has been in hiatus).
So this post is going to be about my experience going to Hajj with Baba Longbeard. You will be amazed at what you are about to read.
This was the first time we were going to be away from our kids for such a long span of time. The husband stayed strong; I cried hysterically as we left the kids behind.
The flight there was nice. Baba Longbeard fell asleep before take off. When I got over my initial excitement, I then fell asleep as well. When we woke we talked here and there about our anticipation and what not.
Let me rewind a little bit. I had a completely different impression of what Hajj and marriage is like prior to this trip. I thought we would be constantly together, going through so many spirtitual and emotional highs, he would protect me in the crowds at all times, be my savior and companion at all times, and it would be like this spiritual honeymoon for us (without the honey).
So anyways, we get to our stopover and then he goes his way with his friends and I go my way with my friends. We eat separately and then the husbands help carry their wives carry-on bags down a big flight of stairs. (Very manly, I know). Then we get to our gate and the men in the group decide to go shower and dress in their ihrams. We wives wait and wait and wait. They finally come back shining in white and then we ladies went down to change.
The showers happen to be available so we decided to go turn by turn. Then we went and prayed in the airport musallah. We didn’t realize how much time had passed. Our husbands came looking for us completely frazzled and worried. We wives just kind of laughed it off. They were acting a bit over-protective but it was cute.
At Jeddah airport we sat for a while waiting for our bus to arrive. Again he sat with the men and I sat with the women. The bus ride was segregated as well, men in the front, women in the back. We finally get to our hotel in Makkah. I stayed with three of my friends and he stayed with his buds. I saw him again right before we were going to start our umrah.
Our first umrah together was very stressful. I was having some issues which led us to be separated from our group. We ended up doing our umrah on the main floor finally after Isha. I was an emotional mess. Doing tawaf around the Ka’ba is one of the most unique forms of ibadah ever. You feel like you are in a trance walking in circles reciting various dhikr and du’as that come in your heart sometimes even feeling like a zombie worshipper. People around you are chanting and moving the same way. It kind of also feels like the Day of Judgment. He didn’t hold on to me to protect me amongst the crowds. Instead he walked in front of me and I just held on to the strap of his backpack. Sa’ee is very tiring but I think it’s a very spiritually enlightening experience. Baba Longbeard had me recite du’as outloud as we performed Sa’ee. That was nice.
The rest of the week we saw each other at either breakfast or lunch time or during brief group gatherings. He did his thing and I did mine. To be honest, my most favorite ibadah moments were when I was not with him.
In Madina we were separated majority of the time too. We would come together to eat every so often, but at worship times we were on our own. Again, I liked that too.
Mina, Arafat, Muzdalifah all had the same pattern. He did his thing and I did mine.
It wasn’t until the whole group left and we got to stay behind and spend some extra days in Makkah that we spent proper time together. I actually got tested with my health those days and didn’t get that much time in the Haram.
One afternoon I was in bed in our apartment outside Makkah. Baba Longbeard had gone back to the Haram to take care of some things. That is when it hit me that no one is there for you except Allah. Allah knows I was there, by myself, yet I didn’t feel alone. Allah was with me as He always is, and from the beginning of our existence to our end it’s only Allah who is with us.
For over three weeks I was not a wife or a mother or a daughter or a sister. I was simply a worshipper, serving my true purpose of why I was created.
So what’s the point of all this? There really wasn’t much of Hajj and marriage in my experience. I realize that Hajj is a means to bring you back to your Creator, not bring you closer to others, not even your spouse. Yes, Baba Longbeard and I had a life-changing experience, but we had two separate experiences and that’s okay.
I am so grateful to Allah for hosting us in His Home. He is the Host of All Hosts. May He preserve our iman and put barakah in our lives and marriages and families in this life and the next….ameen.
Tight Knot 