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Posts Tagged ‘health’

 

Love is a verb.

 

I had the blessing to meet a wise and profound teacher this past Ramadan. She gave a beautiful talk on “Surviving Marriage.” With her permission, I present to my lovely readers notes from that talk. I apologize if they seem confusing at all or incomplete. She spoke perfectly. I typed imperfectly. Enjoy!

“Marriage is a new opportunity, an elevator and a door to bring you closer to your Lord. Take advantage of it.”

SURVIVING MARRIAGE TIPS:

1. Do not erase all boundaries between you. Remember to retain the most delicate whisper of formality. It will help you to continue to interact with respect (since he is a separate human being to you)….YOU set the tone from the beginning of marriage.

2. Remember, when he is selfish, obnoxious or harsh, that Allah placed him in your care, to love, to forgive and to care for. Remember, all the times he was loving, forgiving, or caring for you, especially important to remember when he is acting in a way outside of norm).

We have a tendency as women to forget the good things people do for us…

We as women don’t allow different kinds of love from our men…paying the bills, getting you gas, changing your tires…those are his flowers to you.

Quotable quote: “Cut up the paid electricity bills into a bouquet, put them in a vase, and imagine them as flowers for you from your husband.”

3. Do you have the gift of reading in between the lines? Then you must know that angry outbursts mean “I miss you, I feel neglected and ignored.” Respond to what is meant, not what is said. Reassure him.

Majority of time these outbursts are because women are not sexually available to their husbands.

***Remember that intimacy is an act of worship in Islam. A woman has a built-in ability to receive attentiveness. A man does not and rejection can shatter his self-esteem and lead him to wrong. Therefore, in Islam a woman is responding and responsive.

*Sexual rejection for men hurts them so much and in such a way that they can’t relate it to us.

Haram acts in Islam…avoid completely:
**Pornography is not accepted for any reason. It needs to be addressed and taken care of immediately.

**Oral sex is not permissible.

**Anal sex is not permissible.

4. Remember when you have an argument or fight, that Allah asked you to say what is best, not what is fair, nor what is right.

Words can be said in a certain way, state, and tone. Be mindful of these things.

FIGURE YOUR HUSBAND OUT as best as you can and how to “manage” him accordingly.

5. For a successful marriage, quickly develop one of the most essential ingredients:  a sense of humor. It will save your sanity and diffuse explosive situations. Learn to laugh at yourself. Think of your issues as part of a sitcom to help deal with them.

6. Remember that the ambience of the home may not be your duty, but it is strictly within your power and control. Make it angel-friendly. Clean, pick up, perfume it and light your house up with Quran. A house that has angels in it, is a house that is peaceful. Remember that Angel Jibreel would only
descend in Aisha’s house, which was known for exquisite cleanliness.

7. Remember to keep his faults from your family, you can forgive and forget, but they may not.

8. Do not take time, attention or money that rightfully belongs to his family away from them. It will have no barakah in it if you do. If you are lucky, you will feel close and loving to them. If it is a struggle, you get more reward. Never begrudge him, the time he spends with them.

A man who is loyal to his first family is a man you can trust with his second family.

If it’s a struggle you get rewarded more. (In this life, in the next, or what goes around comes around).

-if he is good to his mother, he will be good to you. You want him to be loyal to his family.

9. Remember that every relationship including this one is a triangle, with Allah at the top. If you obey your husband, it is Allah that you are obeying. If he lashes out at you, perhaps it is a message from Allah for something you did, unrelated to him.

10. Remember he is incomplete and unhappy without your admiration and inner praise of him. He needs you to look up to him, to believe in his ability to do things, to remind him of all the good that he is and does.

11. Remember when he seems to be the answer to all your prayers and dreams and more….he was actually sent to you to be loved, but only Allah is to be attached to. Remember in your happiest moments to feel gratitude to Allah.

12. Remember to be gentle, patient, understanding, motherly on the inside and playful on the outside. If he matters too much to you, he will be capable of hurting you. If Allah matters more to you, then all your husband’s faults will run off your skin like water off a glossy leaf.

Most importantly, remember to be yourself!

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Muah

Boy, do I have a solution for you!

Did you know that kissing can save you money? According to Bonnie Eaker Weil, author of Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker, kissing can prevent you from making unnecessary P.O.P.’s.

What are P.O.P.’s you ask?

A P.O.P. is a pissed-off purchase you make after having a fight with your spouse in order to seek sweet revenge and make yourself feel better.

In actuality, shopping releases a chemical called dopamine, which is supposed to promote bonding. This same chemical is released when you kiss your mate along with others such as oxytocin (calming chemical) and endorphins which put you in a good mood.

Now I know what you’re thinking. The last thing you want to do after a fight is kiss him. Shopping would probably make you feel way better. Right? Wrong. Not only are you going to waste time and money by avoiding the situation, you will only be giving yourself a temporary fix for your problems.

Instead, what you should do is just kiss and make-up.

Think about it. If you approach your man with your luscious lips after a fight, you will be doing some serious damage control. For starters, you aren’t avoiding him by going to the mall and prolonging the argument or hard feelings (not to mention saving money by not buying P.O.P’s). Secondly, you are willing to make amends quickly and smoothly. And of course with a nice passionate kiss, it will calm both your nerves down and relieve any unnecessary tension. Who knew?!

Just for kicks, here are some other great benefits of kissing I found recommended by SELF magazine:

-Kissing boosts immunity:  exchange in saliva causes your body to produce antibodies to fight foreign bacteria…mmm

-May ease allergies:  30 minutes of kissing can slow histamine production (histamine causes allergy symptoms such as sneezing and running nose)

-Healthy teeth:  kissing produces extra saliva which helps neutrilize decay-causing acids in the mouth

-A light workout:  you actually burn 6 calories/minute and use around 30 facial muscles with a nice passionate kiss

Try it for yourselves….ki$$ your hubby a little longer….trust me…it’s good for you 😉

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Salaam my dear, loyal readers and welcome to all you new readers! Sorry for being MIA. I guess I’ve just been busy being married which means there must be some depth to what my blabbering is all about on this blog. 😉

So Husbands, here are some FYI’s that surprisingly your wives will find super sexy and attractive about you. I heard these on the radio today…take notes and let me know how it goes 😉

10. He talks to her in his bedroom voice in public.

9. He prepares his will, because he wants to make sure his family will be taken care of properly after he’s gone.

8. He has a welcoming sense of humor and gets her humor.

7. He takes off his work shirt and has the right man sweat smell resonating from him.

6. He is fierce and wild when it comes to intimacy. (Clear throat).

5. He throws out his old undies and sports new ones just for her.

 Exhibit A

4. He starts working out and eating better to live a longer and healthier fit life.

3. He puts family finances before personal needs.

2. He can carry an intelligent conversation with anyone, anywhere, anytime. (Ohhhhhh yaaaaaa….This is my fav).

And drumroll please……

1. He admits it when he is wrong and apologizes sincerely. (Ok maybe this one too).

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People talk about being “crazy in love” but do you ever hear of someone feeling “healthy in love?” No, probably not very often.

When I say “healthy”, I’m talking about the outcome of a healthy relationship.

I’ve heard people tell me that happiness does not last long in marriage. Or I’ve also been told that you can’t be happy always in marriage. This is quite disturbing. What is “happiness” exactly and why aren’t people finding it with their spouse?

This is where the healthy aspect comes into play. If a couple has a healthy relationship, happiness comes naturally for them. It is the simple things that count, moments and opportunities not being passed up, and priorities being straight. Why is everyone always wanting to get the most of their partner? Why not want to just give and not expect anything back? If both partners did that, then there would be a lot of peace in the marriage.

Think of it like this:  if your marriage is healthy, you will be too. All other aspects of your life center around your marriage whether you want them to or not. If you get into a fight, your day is ruined or your night and your sleep. However, if you’re feeling healthy from your marriage, you can concentrate on other things such as work, hobbies, friends, family, spirituality, etc. If marriage sucks for you, most likely other things in your life will too.

I’m not going to tell you to always be happy in your marriage or with your spouse. Some days are tough. Since no one can be happy every moment of the day…at least find happiness in every day with your hubby. Start noticing the little things that are good instead of everything that bothers you. It is great for your health to feel love for your spouse as much as possible. You feel better, look better, and enjoy life more. Be healthy in love, because love definitely has an affect on your health.

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