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Posts Tagged ‘femininity’

We all know that men are visual beings.¬† So you gotta keep yourself looking visually stimulating. Here’s a few things your man will definitely notice about you:

1. High heels. Strut your stuff in front of your hubby. Work it girl! There’s nothing wrong with wearing heels even in your house to get your man’s attention.

2. Form-fitting outfit. This is an obvious one but I mention it because some women don’t feel comfy wearing proper fitting clothes even in front of their hubbies. The key is to wear it with confidence. That’s what your man will notice more. Of course the outfit will help as well. ūüėČ

3. Hair do. Straighten it, curl it, pin it, color it, style it, just do it! Those of us that cover, get super lazy about fixing up our hair on a regular basis. It’s a great asset. We should use it and he will notice the effort.

4. Accessorize. Accessories really complete an outfit and give you a very together look. Don’t hesitate to wear some nice jewelry to add some “umph” to you.

5. Freshen up your look. I would suggest putting on a little bit of make-up. If you are not big on make-up, then at least keep your skin soft and shiny with lotion and skin-care products. Also, keep your lips attractive and moist. Oh and floss and brush as much as possible. Even a little blush on the cheeks or light mascara can make you look fresher. You don’t have to do overdue it. Just approachable ūüôā

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Bismillah. Disclaimer: ¬†I’m no scholar.
So in the spirit of Ramadan, I’m just going to go ahead and give you my 2 cents on hijab.
Stop taking it off, ladies. Stop telling me that it’s too hard for you. Stop saying that it’s not who you really are. Stop saying you’ll put it back on when you’re older or old. Stop saying that now it’s okay for you to wear short, short sleeves and keep your chest exposed in tight-fitted low-neck tops. All I have to say is WHAT?! Why did you put it on in the first place? It’s not removable. It’s a commitment for life, not a choice.
Those of you who took it off after engagement or marriage, stop blaming your husband or in-laws or your parents for “making” you take it off. Did your main squeeze not know who you were when you met? Did he MISS something???? And men, why do you want other men gawking at your wife? What’s wrong with you?
Hijab is a lifestyle improvement. I’ve been wearing it for over a decade now alhumdullilah. But notice I used the word “wear” instead of “practice” hijab. That is actually the appropriate word that should be associated with hijab because it is a concept…not an object. Although it may seem like an object wrapped around your head, but it is much more than that. I would like to say that I personally practice hijab, but I’m not completely there yet…even after this many years. I do wear it but it’s a gradual process…an evolution that you progress and develop through slowly. I’m no better than someone who doesn’t wear it. I have a long way to go still and lots of improvements to make iA.
Now I commend you for wearing it or just considering it. Allah is bringing you closer to Him in this way. As a mother and especially a mother of a daughter, I realize the importance of modesty and conservatism much more now. You don’t want your daughters to necessarily make the same decisions as you…you want them to be better and stronger. That is at least how I am with my daughter.
The way we were raised is very “cultural” and not very “religous.” Overall you can say our parents were “conservative” because they didn’t encourage dating or a “loose” lifestyle where we as girls would party or go clubbing. However, when it comes to Islam, it was more for fasting and praying for the most part not changing our life around. I would say religion was more practiced when it was convenient than anything else.
Now as you know Islam is a way of life. So culture and religion should be intertwined. Now we cover ourselves when we stand in front of Allah in prayer right? But isn’t Allah always watching us? Aren’t we always in front of Him?
Many people argue that in the Qur’an it doesn’t specifically say to “cover your hair/head”. ¬†It actually says to cover the chest for women. Now that is an easy argument or should I say escape method for those that don’t want to consider hijab. People pick and choose things from the Qur’an that are convenient for them. Yes, it is a Book that we can read for face value. But it is SO much more than that and there is much research and study that needs to be done when interpreting the Qur’an. You can’t just translate an ayah and say “that’s what it says.” Many people don’t realize that when that ayah came down, the women of that era/time were already covering their heads. That was a natural part of life. (Look at even all the religious epic movies like Ten Commandments and Passion of Christ or all the pictures depicting the Virgin Mary and so on….they are always shown with their heads covered). But those same women were covering their heads with their shawls hanging behind their shoulders over their backs so the shape of their chests was exposed. That is why if you study that ayah #31 in Surah Nur, it actually commands the women to bring their shawls “around” to the front of their bodies to cover their “bosoms”. It doesn’t state to cover their heads because they were already covering them.
Although a woman’s hair can be one of¬†her most attractive¬†features, it is a woman’s body that gets more attention…especially her¬†chest and backside¬†to be frank. Guys don’t check out a girl’s hair and fall in love with her necessarily. It is her chest or backside that makes them lust over her more.
This is where the “practice” of hijab comes in. Hijab means “covering” as in the action more than the noun.
If you are considering hijab seroiusly, I’d advise you to do baby steps. First and foremost, make sure your husband is 110% supportive. You both need to be on the same page spritually or he needs to be leading you in that direction somehow in order to keep you and your marriage sane. Secondly, start making small changes like wearing long sleeves, looser tops and pants, covering your chest and make sure you are comfortable. Also, if you aren’t already then start making sure you are praying all 5 prayers a day. Once you start doing that everything else falls in place. That is a fard (obligation) we can’t ignore or undermine. That is the most important and the first thing that will come protect us in our grave. I also recommend praying isthakara and asking Allah to guide you through this process more smoothly.
Then when you think if and when you are ready to start wearing hijab, practice wearing it to the grocery store, library, park, etc. See how it makes you feel. One of the first things I realized was that I already don’t “fit in” in this country because I’m not Caucasian. Nobody is going to speak for me or save me on the Day of Judgment from Allah so I need to stop caring and worrying about what others think.
As Muslims, we should naturally be God-conscience and be thinking of Him at all times. With hijab you tend to be more aware of your actions and who you are as a human being. We don’t live crazy “harami” lifestyles where by putting a hijab on we will have to “give up” so much. Trust me when I say that hijab hasn’t hindered me from living a “normal” life. If anything it’s made my life better and worth living, because I know who I am.
I love walking past a stranger and receiving a salaam from them. No other religion has that. Yes, the media has really screwed up the image of Muslims, but that’s why we have to represent the truth. Let them see that we are good God-fearing and God-loving people.
It is not foreign to other faiths either. Christians and Jews are commanded to cover their heads as well (Corinthian 1:11) but modernity has taken over and women here feel the less they wear the more liberated they are.¬†Even Muslim women have fallen into this illusion. That makes me sad that they have to become practically naked to be recognized and get anywhere in this world. If that’s not oppression I don’t know what is.
Your husband should be the only one to truly admire and see your full beauty. I don’t want to walk into a McDonald’s and be checked out by a greasy cashier to feel good about myself. When I dress up at home and get “checked out” by my hubby, that’s when I feel beautiful and Allah rewards you for that.
May Allah make this process smooth and easy for us and bring us all on the Straight Path ameen.

Forgive me if I offended anyone. That was never my intention.

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I have discussed the concept of time in marriage quite often before.

I can’t seem to emphasize it enough. How is a couple supposed to grow together if they don’t spend any time together?

We have to make time for one another.

Take time into your own hands.

 

No one is going to make time for us. Everyone has it tough. We all have exhausting days, same old routines, the everyday taking the best and most out of us.

But what if we don’t make it to tomorrow? Why do we let the days just pass on by without even appreciating our time with our spouse or our families? That’s so sad.

If things seem too blah is it our hubbies or is it us? I know I’ve asked that question before so what’s the answer?

Find someone to watch the kids and plan a nice outing with your man. If you don’t got time to do that then take advantage of the hour or two together after the kids have gone to bed.

Make time for one another. Make time to look at each other. Make time to hold his hand. Make time to kiss him like you mean it. Make time to hold him tight. Make time to make love. Make time to enjoy being married.

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If looks could kill, women would be locked up for sure.

We have this amazing talent, and we don’t even use it to our advantage.

There are many reasons why both men and women are asked to lower our gazes. Everything can happen with just one look. The eyes lead straight into the heart. The images our eyes pick up get read by our brains but get carried into our hearts.

So why don’t we use the beauty of our eyes to our advantage? The one person you should be wowing and wooing with your eyes over and over again is your hubby.

If our eyes are windows into our hearts, then we need to open them up and let our hubbies in.

You have the power to give your man a certain look and make him melt in an instant. Unfortunately, often times the look can be deadly when we are upset about something and instead of melting, the hubby will just run for cover.

No, I am talking about the welcoming look. The look of love. Bedroom eyes. Whatever the heck you want to call it.

As time passes and we fall into the routine of our mundane lives, we forget to even really look at one another. In a marriage eye contact is crucial. Take a minute to just stare into your man’s eyes. Stop him in his tracks. Really look at him! Come on. He can’t be that bad. You did marry the man!

You should be the coolness of your hubby’s eyes. He should find peace and comfort when he looks at you. So make yourself pleasing to look at, and he should do the same for you. Instead of trying to find time to talk or go out, how about finding time to just stare at each other? It seems cheesy, but try it.

Love should be at every site with your spouse, not just the first site.

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Why is it often times in a marriage as the years increase, the “fire” decreases? Who puts out the fire? The husband or the wife or both?

As humans, we constantly need freshness in our lives. It is hard for us to be content with what we have and we want more more more!

In the midst of focusing on what we don’t have, we don’t notice what we do have. Our relationships grow “old” or “dry” or “boring.” We complain our husbands are not romantic enough and they’ve lost their ability to wow us or woo us. But is it really them or it is us? Have they become boring or have we?

We might have the mentality that “my man is not going anywhere” and we stop caring about keeping ourselves interesting and appealing.¬†We let ourselves and our relationships fall into the routine and lose focus on what really matters: each other.

Men are simpletons and it’s quite easy to keep their interest upon us. We have so much power in this department and we don’t even know it nor use it to our advantage.

You might wonder why he doesn’t compliment you as much anymore? Um if you are always walking around in stinky pj’s full of baby spit up and God knows what else, do you really deserve to be complimented?

Ok, so let’s bring the sexy back and remember that in this day and age, we have the easy accessibility to meet our desires elsewhere.¬†We are surrounded by temptation and marriage is a means to protect oneself from all that. You are the one true source of pleasure and fulfillment for your spouse so make it worth his while! Keep making your man wanting you. Remember why go out for burgers when there is steak at home?

 

Here’s 5 easy ways to bring the¬†SEXY back:

1. Use the softness of your voice:

-When you talk¬†on the phone¬†anytime during the day use¬†your sexy soft voice even if you are asking him to bring home some eggs. He might get a speeding ticket on his way home. In person, whisper into¬†his ear. You may even say something like, “I can’t find my socks.” He will be paying more attention¬†to¬†the warmth of your breath against his ear¬†and the sexiness in your voice…not what you’re saying.

 

2. Dress to Impress:

-Especially when you have no plans to go anywhere and nobody is coming over to visit, you should be dressed like a hot mama. It’s sad that women are the most modest and covered up in front of their hubbies. Or worse, they get all decked out to go to a party to impress others who won’t care as much as your hubby that you look hot. It should be your husband that you get dolled up for not anyone else. He will appreciate it the most…trust me! Ok so some helpful hints…wear nice and fitting stuff for your man and when an opportunity arises (like when loading¬†a dishwasher, give him a moment to look down your shirt or whoops, I dropped the spoon…turn around and pick it up…you get the drift). Oh and please open up the vault and air out the intimate apparel. That will always work its magic! Make your man scream, “Aa-woo-ga!”

3. Communicate:

-Throughout the day, give him constant reasons to keep thinking of you like sending him playful texts, emails, photos, messages on FB, whatever. Just get through to him somehow and let your¬†feet get tired because you’ll be running through his mind all day! Hahaha ok¬†that was lame I know.

4. Through a man’s stomach:

-No joke ladies. A way to a man’s heart and¬†then some¬†is through his stomach. Make him his favorite meal or go out and buy it and he will find you finger linkin’ good. What’s cookin’ good lookin’?

5. Exercise does a body good:

-You don’t even have to lose a pound. Just start working out (in front of him might do even more wonders) but a woman that works out is super attractive. It shows you care about your health and yourself and he will appreciate you so much more. So let’s get physical! Physical!

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We are about to head out of the house.

I look over to Baba Longbeard.

“Can you¬†pass me my socks?¬† They are right behind you on the floor.”

He turns around and takes a look at them.¬† I can tell he is grossed out.¬† He grabs them with his toes and kicks them over to me.¬† Then he does a body shake to “release” any possible germs that might have jumped on him from my socks.

“They are not dirty!¬† I wore them for like 5 minutes.¬† How do you think I react whenever I pick up your definitely foul socks everyday from every room in the house??!!!”

Baba Longbeard laughs and avoids the question.

So typical for him to find something gross about me which I overlook about him all the time.

That’s just the thing though.¬†

Guys prefer a girl that is…well…a girl.¬† Can you believe it?¬† Shocking!¬† I know.

So what does that mean¬†for us?¬† Well regardless whether we want to be girly or not, our men prefer us that way.¬† I’m not saying all the time we have to be dressed to impress or act completely feminine¬†but some things we can avoid all together.

1. Don’t intentionally fart in front of your man.¬† Eww…what’s wrong with you?

2. Don’t engulf your food and eat like a cow.

3. Don’t burp the alphabet.

4. Don’t use the bathroom in front of him. There is a door and a lock for a reason!

5. Don’t scratch yourself indecently.

6. Please do not pick your nose in search of treasure in front of him.

7. Remove the eye crusties privately before you look at him in the morning.

8. Wear deodorant and perfume.

9. Wash your hair.

10. Walk like a lady.  Woah woah woah.

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