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Archive for October, 2010

SORRY FOR THE DELAY, FOLKS. THIS IS FOR MY LOVELY READERS WHO KEEP WANTING AND ASKING FOR MORE. MAY ALLAH PUT PEACE AND BLESSINGS IN ALL OUR RELATIONSHIPS AMEEN. KEEP THE COMMENTS COMING. I APPRECIATE THE LOVE AND SUPPORT. ENJOY!

Before kids, married life is well…married life.

After kids, married life becomes a thing of the past?

No, not really.

The dynamic of marriage definitely does change after having kids, but it shouldn’t be put on the back burner.

So many couples become detached and distant once they become parents unfortunately. Why is that?

What happens is that so much energy gets put into the children and their betterment that the husband and wife forget how they started off:  just the two of them. The marriage sadly gets forgotten. Kids become the priority and the couple’s needs are left in the dark or neglected as a whole.

That should not be the case. Some way or another, the couple needs to keep their relationship first and striving and fresh. Here’s a few pointers:

1. Before the baby comes, discuss your expectations for your relationship with your spouse. Develop the understanding that although alone time will be limited, it will NOT be eliminated. Regardless of how tired or exhausted you are, you must make time for one another and that includes intimacy!

2. Take a break from parenting at least once or twice a month. Leave the baby/kids with family or trusted friends and have a date night. You don’t even have to go anywhere (although that would be refreshing and a nice change of scenery from the dirty diapers and endless array of toys). Just make an effort to be alone and reconnect.

3. Stay on the same page with your spouse when it comes to parenting and disciplining the kids. Always discuss with one another before making a decision for the little ones. (This is also a way kids can’t take advantage of one particular parent over the other).

4. Find other activities to do besides being with the kids. This is related to the first two points but I am directing it more to maintaining one’s individuality. This can even apply to marriage before kids. Continue to do things YOU like to do and not just what your spouse or kids want to do. Give time to yourself by reading, working out, going out with your friends/family, or whatever else you like to do on your own.

5. Share the load. Know that one parent can’t handle all the work so divide up the tasks and give each other a hand with the kids, chores, and errands.

6. Find the romance. Make an effort to keep relighting the spark even after kids. Maintain the freshness in your relationship by doing simple things to show your spouse “You are my world”.

7. Kids won’t fix your marriage. If you are having trouble in your marriage prior to kids, don’t have kids to resolve your issues. They will only add more issues to your marriage. Solidify your relationship first and don’t use kids to solve your problems.

8. A healthy, happy marriage means healthy, happy kids. Set an example for your rugrats by maintaining a great relationship with one another. If the marriage is in tact, so will the household be. (Also, avoid arguing in front of the kids even if it’s just a small “heated discussion”).

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