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Archive for April, 2010

Why is it often times in a marriage as the years increase, the “fire” decreases? Who puts out the fire? The husband or the wife or both?

As humans, we constantly need freshness in our lives. It is hard for us to be content with what we have and we want more more more!

In the midst of focusing on what we don’t have, we don’t notice what we do have. Our relationships grow “old” or “dry” or “boring.” We complain our husbands are not romantic enough and they’ve lost their ability to wow us or woo us. But is it really them or it is us? Have they become boring or have we?

We might have the mentality that “my man is not going anywhere” and we stop caring about keeping ourselves interesting and appealing. We let ourselves and our relationships fall into the routine and lose focus on what really matters: each other.

Men are simpletons and it’s quite easy to keep their interest upon us. We have so much power in this department and we don’t even know it nor use it to our advantage.

You might wonder why he doesn’t compliment you as much anymore? Um if you are always walking around in stinky pj’s full of baby spit up and God knows what else, do you really deserve to be complimented?

Ok, so let’s bring the sexy back and remember that in this day and age, we have the easy accessibility to meet our desires elsewhere. We are surrounded by temptation and marriage is a means to protect oneself from all that. You are the one true source of pleasure and fulfillment for your spouse so make it worth his while! Keep making your man wanting you. Remember why go out for burgers when there is steak at home?

 

Here’s 5 easy ways to bring the SEXY back:

1. Use the softness of your voice:

-When you talk on the phone anytime during the day use your sexy soft voice even if you are asking him to bring home some eggs. He might get a speeding ticket on his way home. In person, whisper into his ear. You may even say something like, “I can’t find my socks.” He will be paying more attention to the warmth of your breath against his ear and the sexiness in your voice…not what you’re saying.

 

2. Dress to Impress:

-Especially when you have no plans to go anywhere and nobody is coming over to visit, you should be dressed like a hot mama. It’s sad that women are the most modest and covered up in front of their hubbies. Or worse, they get all decked out to go to a party to impress others who won’t care as much as your hubby that you look hot. It should be your husband that you get dolled up for not anyone else. He will appreciate it the most…trust me! Ok so some helpful hints…wear nice and fitting stuff for your man and when an opportunity arises (like when loading a dishwasher, give him a moment to look down your shirt or whoops, I dropped the spoon…turn around and pick it up…you get the drift). Oh and please open up the vault and air out the intimate apparel. That will always work its magic! Make your man scream, “Aa-woo-ga!”

3. Communicate:

-Throughout the day, give him constant reasons to keep thinking of you like sending him playful texts, emails, photos, messages on FB, whatever. Just get through to him somehow and let your feet get tired because you’ll be running through his mind all day! Hahaha ok that was lame I know.

4. Through a man’s stomach:

-No joke ladies. A way to a man’s heart and then some is through his stomach. Make him his favorite meal or go out and buy it and he will find you finger linkin’ good. What’s cookin’ good lookin’?

5. Exercise does a body good:

-You don’t even have to lose a pound. Just start working out (in front of him might do even more wonders) but a woman that works out is super attractive. It shows you care about your health and yourself and he will appreciate you so much more. So let’s get physical! Physical!

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Playing the Blame Game in a marriage is very useless and dangerous.

One issue Baba Longbeard and I have never been able to resolve is who has the harder day. He says he did. I say I did. We happen to both be right.

However, regardless of how difficult or stressful my day is, it is not his fault. How could it be? He wasn’t there. He was out competing to have just as hard of a day if not harder.

You see it’s very easy to point fingers and say “You did this to me!”

But in reality how is that possible? If you choose to be home with the kids….wait…let me rephrase that….if you have the blessing to raise your kids then learn to enjoy that time with them. A stay-sane-must is to manage your time properly throughout the day. By keeping you and your kids on some kind of schedule, you will be able to handle the day-to-day better. It’s when we don’t know what to do with our time and our kids that we start going nuts.

When hubby walks in through the door at the end of the day almost deflated, the last thing you want to do is stomp all over him and release whatever air is left in him. Instead you should inflate him with understanding, affection, and compassion. Put him in a good mood right when he gets home. Make him and yourself forget (for at least the time being) how the day sucked and just enjoy each other’s company. Offer him a snack, a back rub, give him some time to catch his breath. Trust me he will appreciate it and you so much more and will do his best to return the sweetness. 

Even if your day was crummy and draining, make the most of the remaining of your day by welcoming the hubby with open arms. You set the tone of the atmosphere in your home. If you are happy, he will be too. 

Find other outlets to relieve your daily stresses instead of blaming your spouse for your problems. Take ownership of your choices, your decisions, and your life. Stop using your hubby or your marriage as an excuse not to take care of yourself and your needs. I’ve said it before, by making yourself a priority, you will have a better YOU to present to your family. If you want to continue your career along with running a house and family, then learn to balance it all. Whatever you decide to focus on whether it be your family, the house, furthering your education, do it right and do it well without blaming others (especially your man) for your shortcomings. A happy wife makes a happy life.

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So Baba Longbeard was 8300 miles away from me all of last week.

I was Ms. Independent for 8 full days.

Woohoo!

No. Not really.

It sucked. I hated it. It was the longest week of my life. It was the first time we had been that far apart.

People asked me how I managed the kids and house without him. That was the easy part to be honest. Of course I need him for all the responsibilities that come with being married and being a parent. But I missed him just because I needed him. I missed his companionship.

I came to a realization last week. Your spouse is the one person who truly cares about you and everything you do. He sincerely cares what you are doing, where you are going, what you are eating, what you are wearing, how you are feeling, if you are sleeping, if you are breathing. You get the drift.

Your spouse becomes the center of your universe and your worlds revolve around each other. You truly become dependent on each other.

I don’t know why women would choose to be single parents. Or why they would want to face this scary world without a man to keep them safe.

I must sound old-fashioned. Yes, we women can do fine without the help of a man. We are able to do whatever we put our minds to. But having a man by your side can make you stronger and feel more secure.

Let your man know how much he means to you. Let him know you appreciate that you have him as your man, your protector, your safe haven. Enjoy being his woman. And I don’t mean that in a objective way. Just be proud you have someone to call your own who cares SO much about everything you do.

If he calls you throughout the day to see how you are doing, take that as a sign of love instead of being annoyed. And check in with him. Let him know you care just as much about him. Call him up and tell him to come home early tonight. You miss him. He might just fly home!

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